“Friendship means little when it’s convenient!” Remember this dialogue from John Wick?
True, isn’t it? We make friends, create a bond, and share everything with them.
But sometimes, you get into a friendship bond where you feel you are just being asked when they need something, and otherwise, you don’t matter to them.
That is what everyone calls “Friends of Convenience”!
It hurts, right? Well, let’s talk about how you can tell if you are just a friend of convenience, and if you are, then how to handle such friendships!
What is a Friend of Convenience?
A friend of convenience is a friendship where two individuals maintain a friendship primarily for practical reasons rather than genuine emotional connection or mutual interests.
This can be one-sided as well. Such friendships are mostly superficial and often lack depth.
Simply put, one person in such friendships uses another person at their convenience. They talk to you only when they need something from you or if they need any kind of support.
For example, a friend only calls you when he or she needs you in their situation. They may invite you to a party just because you can accompany them. Or maybe they only ask you when they need any help with their project or whatever.
Well, speaking of my experience, I have been a friend of convenience many times! Not good, right? Maybe that was because of my introverted nature or my helpful nature.
But later on, I realized things and saw a pattern: such friends make use of you rather than genuine affinity or connection.
Sometimes, it is also like having a friend at work whom you only interact with during office hours or a classmate you only talk to because you share the same courses.
Are you having friends who don’t share emotional intimacy but call you when they need something? Well, let’s find out!
How to Identify if You Are a Friend of Convenience: 10 Signs
1. Only hear from them when they need something.
You will get to hear from such friends only when they require assistance, a favor, or some sort of support. They may not engage in casual conversation or maintain regular contact unless they need something specific from you.
2. They are never there when you need them
Trust me, they will never be there when you need them. When you’re in need of support, whether it’s emotional or practical, it is consistently unavailable or unresponsive. They may offer excuses or simply ignore your attempts to reach out for help.
For example, when I was going through a rough patch last month, I reached out to one of my friends for some emotional support. But she was nowhere to be found. No texts, no calls.
It was disheartening to realize that our friendship was so one-sided, with her conveniently absent whenever I needed her the most.
3. They only reach out when it is convenient for them
My friend Sarah always seems to initiate plans when it suits her schedule. Whenever she is bored or looking for something to do, that’s when I receive a text from her. But when I suggest hanging out on a day that’s convenient for me, suddenly she is too busy or has other plans.
This sign suggests that the person initiates contact or plans with you solely based on their convenience or schedule.
They may prioritize their own needs and preferences over yours, making it clear that your availability is secondary to theirs. It’s frustrating to feel like an afterthought in their life, right?
4. They prioritize other friends over you
You often feel like you are at the bottom of their list when you make plans. For instance, you call a friend to hang out, and they give an excuse about how they are busy and already have plans. And remembers you when everyone else is busy.
This implies that the person consistently chooses to spend time with other friends or social circles instead of prioritizing friendship.
5. Your gut feeling tells you something is off
Trust your instincts. If you feel uneasy or suspicious about the dynamics of your friendship, there may be underlying issues worth exploring.
Your intuition can often pick up on subtle cues and signals that something isn’t quite right.
6. They don’t value your opinion
Whenever you try to share your thoughts or ideas with them, they brush them off or change the subject.
It is like your opinions don’t matter to him, and they are only interested in hearing themselves talk. This suggests that the person disregards or dismisses your thoughts, feelings, and perspectives.
They may not actively seek your input or engage in meaningful conversations where your opinions are respected and considered.
7. You are the one who is always operating around their schedule
As I said earlier, you always constantly adjust your plans or accommodate their schedule without reciprocity. They hardly make equal efforts to maintain the friendship.
You might find yourself always adjusting your time according to their schedule. And when it comes to your schedule, they often say, “Nah, I’m busy,” “I have other plans,” or whatever.
8. They don’t see or call if you don’t initiate
If you consistently initiate contact or make plans, it could signal a lack of interest or investment on their part.
You seem to go weeks without hearing from them.
They may not prioritize staying in touch or maintaining regular communication with you unless prompted to do so.
9. They ghost you in between
Ghosting refers to abruptly cutting off communication without explanation or warning.
Every time my friend and I start building a stronger connection, she suddenly disappears without a trace. One minute, we are chatting and making plans; the next, she’s gone silent.
It’s like she’s ghosting me between our sporadic interactions, leaving me confused and frustrated.
10. They are quick to ditch you for someone else
If someone “cooler” or more interesting comes along, they are quick to ditch our plans in favor of spending time with them.
This suggests that they readily abandon plans with you in favor of spending time with other people they perceive as more interesting. It can leave you feeling undervalued and disposable in your social circle.
How do you handle being in a friendship of convenience?
So, reading the signs, you might have thought about how you can handle such friendships and maintain a balance between you guys, right?
Well, I have realized that having a superficial friendship is not always wrong. In fact, you can actually make a strong bond with your friends.
Here is what you can do to handle being in a friendship of convenience.
- Evaluate the Relationship: Assess the friendship’s value and whether it is mutually beneficial. Consider if the relationship is based on a genuine connection or solely on convenience.
- Set Boundaries: Make sure you establish clear boundaries to protect your time and emotional well-being. Try to communicate your needs and expectations within the friendship.
- Communicate Openly: Have honest conversations with your friend about your feelings and the dynamics of the relationship. Address any concerns or discrepancies in expectations.
- Seek Reciprocity: Look for signs of reciprocity in the friendship. A healthy relationship involves mutual support, respect, and effort from both parties.
- Know When to Let Go: If the friendship becomes consistently one-sided or detrimental to your well-being, consider whether it is worth maintaining. It’s okay to prioritize relationships that are more fulfilling and supportive.
Final Thoughts
A friend of convenience fades away when the convenience ends. True. But by putting in effort, such friends can also form a strong bond.
As I mentioned in the article, you can initiate an emotional friendship and try to make it real.
If all these fail, it is always better to let it go and prioritize your self-respect and other relationships.
So, are you in a friendship of convenience? What is your story?
