Laughter really is the best medicine, and funny quotes are just what the doctor ordered! They not only bring a smile to your face but also have health benefits like improving heart health and boosting endorphins. Whether you’re having a rough day or just need a quick laugh, a little humor can do wonders. Whether you’re in the mood for a quick chuckle or a full-blown belly laugh, this collection of funny quotes is sure to satisfy your needs.
Funny Inspirational Quotes
Inspirational quotes can sometimes be a bit dull and not very motivating. These funny quotes, however, bring a humorous twist to motivation while still giving you the boost you need to get things done. You can use them to lighten someone’s day, print them for a mood board, add them to an Instagram caption, or write them on a post-it note for instant motivation.
- “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” —Thomas Edison
- “If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big.” —Donald Trump
- “Opportunity does not knock; it presents itself when you beat down the door.” —Kyle Chandler
- “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” —Will Rogers
- “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” —Dalai Lama
Funny Quotes About Life
Life can be tough, but there’s always a way to find humor in everything, from dealing with kids to starting new adventures. These funny quotes capture life’s ups and downs with a light and cheerful touch. Share them with someone who needs a pick-me-up, or keep them handy for yourself when you need a boost. Whether from celebrities or anonymous sources, these quotes are sure to bring a smile and a laugh!
- “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
- “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost, and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow that path.” —Ellen DeGeneres
- “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.” —Anonymous
- “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” —Les Dawson
- “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg
Funny Motivational Quotes
Finding motivation can be challenging, but a bit of humor can make it easier. Life has its ups and downs, and seeing the funny side can inspire you to accomplish amazing things, no matter how big or small. Keep these funny quotes handy for a quick pick-me-up. Even when life gets tough, they’ll help lift your spirits and get you back on track!
- “When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’” —Sydney Harris
- “If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.” —Marie Osmond
- “Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost.” —Martina Navratilova
- “If you fall, I’ll always be there.” —The Floor
- “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” —Steven Wright
Funny Friday Quotes
Fridays are arguably the best day of the week, always bringing a smile to your face. These funny quotes can make your Friday even better. Whether you’re heading out with friends for a night out or relaxing at home with a glass of wine and your favorite movie, these quotes perfectly capture the mood. Use them as captions for an Instagram story or post, and get ready for the laughs to roll in!
- “May today be the Fridayest Friday that ever Fridayed.” —Anonymous
- “Friday is my second favorite F word. Food is my first.” —Anonymous
- “It’s Friday night. Time to be a hero and rescue some wine trapped in a bottle.” —Anonymous
- “Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to stop me from savagely beating one of my co-workers with a keyboard.” —West Lee
- “It’s always difficult to keep Fridays confined within themselves. They tend to spill over.” —Parag Tipnis
Funny Work and Office Quotes
Office life affects everyone differently, but these funny work quotes are something we can all relate to. They’re not just relatable—they’re downright hilarious. Share them with a coworker for a good laugh, or keep them handy for a personal boost. Everyone has bad days, but with a smile and these quotes, you’ll pass!
- “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” —John Gotti
- “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” —Edgar Bergen
- “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” —Sarah Brown
- “Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat, lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you didn’t have a plan.” —Larry Winget
- “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” —Vince Lombardi
Funny Best Friend Quotes
Best friends are truly one-of-a kind. They stand by your side no matter what, always ready to share a good laugh. If you want to show your appreciation or simply bring a smile to their face, these funny friendship quotes are just what you need. They are suitable for any occasion, regardless of the duration of their friendship. They are endowed with wit and charm.
- “I’m not good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” —Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends
- “Having those weird conversations with your friend and thinking, ‘if anyone heard us, we’d be put in a mental hospital.’” —Unknown
- “We’ve been friends for so long I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.” —Unknown
- “Best friends. They know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.” —Unknown
- “Best friend: the one that you can be mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them.” —Unknown
Funny Birthday Quotes
If you’re stuck on what to write in a birthday card, these sayings are a great choice. They’re not only funny but also versatile enough for any person or situation. Adding one of these quotes to an Instagram post will instantly make it more entertaining, and using them in a speech will have everyone laughing and feeling connected to the birthday person.
- “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” —Bob Hope
- “Eventually, you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” —Will Rogers
- “Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” —C.E.M. Joad
- “You’re in mint condition for a vintage model. Happy Birthday.” —Catherine Pulsifer
- “Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” —Unknown
Funny Twitter Quotes
There’s nothing like a funny tweet to brighten your day. Social media is packed with hilarious quotes, and we’ve gathered a few for you. Use them however you like—share them with a friend, use them as a caption, or just read them when you need a laugh. We’ve included the original users’ tags so you can give credit where it’s due!
- “In a thousand years archaeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.” —@oliviawilde
- “[COMMERCIAL ON TV] Me, as a kid: Hey, I have that toy! Me, as an adult: Hey, I’m on that medication.” —@mommajessiec
- “When parents say to kids ‘go to your room & think about what you’ve done’ it’s really good practice for what you’ll do every night as an adult.” —@tastefactory
- “I told my boyfriend I was going to start my period, and he said, ‘AGAIN??’ It’s like, you know what, you’re right, I’m canceling my subscription.” —@cULTMOTHER
- “Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore?” —@IamEnidColeslaw
Funny Christmas Quotes
Christmas is a joyful time of year. Along with great food and plenty of presents, adding some humor can make the season even merrier. These funny quotes are perfect for bringing a laugh, whether it’s about ordering gifts online, attending office parties, or just spreading holiday cheer.
- “Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” —Andy Borowitz
- “This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.” —Guy Endore Kaiser
- “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” —Phyllis Diller
- “Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” —Johnny Carson
- “Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends.” —Larry Wilde
Funny Love and Marriage Quotes
Love and marriage may seem like a perfect match, but even the happiest relationships can use a little humor. These funny quotes highlight the amusing side of love, capturing both its highs and lows. Whether you need something for an anniversary post, a heartfelt love letter, or just a good laugh, these quotes will definitely hit the mark.
- “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
- “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner
- “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” —Rodney Dangerfield
- “Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.” —Unknown
- “Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe. So basically a clown ninja.” —Unknown
Short Funny Quotes
Sometimes the best jokes are the short ones, and this collection of funny short quotes proves it. Compact and hilarious, they’re sure to make you laugh. You’ll find sayings from beloved comedians like Robin Williams and George Carlin—smart and amusing without being corny or outdated. Perfect for those who love straight-to-the-point humor and a snappy one-liner!
- “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” —George Carlin
- “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” —Jay Leno
- “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” —Steve Martin
- “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.” —Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective
- “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” —Robin Williams
Funny Graduation Quotes
Graduation is a milestone that deserves a fun and unique celebration after years of hard work. Rather than using the same old quotes, why not opt for something humorous? These funny quotes capture the dedication and determination you’ve shown throughout your education. Plus, there’s a clever nod to those long-winded commencement speeches that everyone can relate to. Celebrate your achievement with a smile and a laugh!
- “You know that point at your graduation ceremony where everyone tosses up their caps? Isn’t it great that we all celebrate how smart we are by throwing sharp pointy objects in the air?” —Unknown
- “If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” —Frank A. Clark
- “Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.” —Gary Trudeau
- “The main difference for you, between life yesterday and life tomorrow, is you can go to the bathroom whenever you want. It’s a pretty big responsibility, but you’ve earned it.” —Eugene Mirman
- “A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.” —Robert Orben
Funny Mother Quotes
A mother’s love is truly special, even if it sometimes comes with a bit of over-involvement or irritation. These funny quotes capture the deep love you have for your mom while adding a touch of humor. Whether it’s a line from a favorite TV show or the moment you realize how much you’ve become like her, there’s something here you’ll relate to and enjoy. Perfect for sharing on Mother’s Day, posting on social media, or sending directly to your mom to show your affection with a smile.
- “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” —Erma Bombeck
- “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.” —Lessons from the Minivan
- “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” —Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory
- “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my mother after all!” —Unknown
- “Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary for human life.” —Unknown
Funny Office Quotes
Reading these funny quotes can make the daily grind a bit more enjoyable. Whether you have an annoying coworker or genuinely love your job, these jokes will help you find humor in your 9 to 5 routine. Featuring lines from iconic comedians like Groucho Marx and the unforgettable Michael Scott from “The Office,” these quotes are sure to bring some laughter to your workday.
- “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” —Anonymous
- “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” —Michael Scott
- “Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” —Leslie Nielsen
- “The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” —Stanley J. Randall
- “The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” —Groucho Marx
Funny Halloween Quotes
Gear up for spooky season with this collection of funny Halloween quotes. Some of these jokes are perfect for your costume, while others are ideal for sharing on social media with friends. Enjoy laughs about ghosts, skeletons, and vampires. Whether you’re trick-or-treating or just soaking in the Halloween vibe, these jokes will have everyone in stitches.
- “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” —David Letterman
- “How do vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels.”
- “Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom? He had nobody to go with.”
- “Why are ghosts so bad at telling lies? Because you can see right through them.”
- “What do you call two witches sharing an apartment? Broommates.”
Funny Senior and Retirement Quotes
Ready to say goodbye to the working life, or just reached an age where you couldn’t care less? These funny quotes are perfect for you. Whether you need a witty message for a retirement card or a humorous caption, these sayings are sure to make you smile!
- “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” —Joan Rivers
- “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” —Sir Norman Wisdom
- “Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings, and you hope it isn’t for you.” —Ogden Nash
- “Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” —Unknown
- “Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” —Jonathan Clements
Funny Yearbook Quotes
- “I had to put my grades up for adoption because I couldn’t raise them.” —Anonymous
- “I look better in person.” —Anonymous
- “Education is important but big biceps are importanter.” —Anonymous
- “I started high school with straight A’s, now I’m not even straight.” —Anonymous
- “Sometimes when my neighbor is gone, I roll around in her garden and pretend I’m a carrot.” —Anonymous
Funny Coffee Quotes
Coffee is one of life’s true delights, and for many, it’s an essential part of the daily routine. If that sounds like you, you’ll love these funny quotes. Even if you’re not as caffeine-obsessed as Lorelai Gilmore, these amusing lines will still resonate. They’re perfect for social media captions or for sharing with your barista as they make your daily brew.
- “The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.” —Anonymous
- “Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s caffeine.” —Anonymous
- “Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.” —Earl Wilson
- “People don’t seem as annoying when I’ve got coffee.” —Tommy Cotton
- “Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?” —Jean Kerr
Funny Family Quotes
You can’t choose your family, but you love them just the same. Every family has its ups and downs and unique quirks. These funny quotes capture those quirky and sometimes downright strange moments that happen throughout the week, helping you see the humor in it all. Share these jokes and sayings in your family group chat or use them as social media captions to spread the laughter.
- “Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.” —Wayne Huizenga
- “Our family is just one tent away from a full-blown circus.” —Anonymous
- “Having a child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee.” —David Frost
- “Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” —Chelsea Handler
Funny Quotes of the Day
Start your day with a big smile with this collection of hilarious daily quotes. Covering a wide range of life’s funniest moments, from self-discovery to wisdom, these quotes have no particular theme but are guaranteed to make you laugh. Featuring side-splitting remarks from comedians and actors like Bill Murray and Lily Tomlin, this compilation is sure to brighten your day. Check them out and see if you can keep a straight face—we dare you!
- “I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.” —Lily Tomlin
- “Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.” —Bill Murray
- “If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?” —Jerry Seinfeld
- “When nothing is going right, go left.” —Unknown
- “All generalizations are false, including this one.” —Mark Twain
Funny Monday Quotes
Mondays can be tough, but don’t worry! These funny quotes might make them a bit more bearable. If you dread the start of the week, these sayings will resonate with your struggle of leaving the weekend behind. Share them with your friends on Instagram or send them a text to lighten the mood.
- “I swear it was Friday like 5 minutes ago.” —Unknown
- “Monday: nothing a bit of shopping can’t fix.” —Unknown
- “Maybe Monday doesn’t like you either.” —Unknown
- “Even the best weeks start with Monday.” —Nice Peter
- “If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return Mondays.” —John Wagner
Funny Dog Quotes
Dogs have definitely earned their title as man’s best friend. They keep you active and are fantastic companions, especially when it comes to giving hugs! So, why not celebrate them with some funny dog quotes? These hilarious expressions capture the pure joy of having a puppy and their boundless enthusiasm. Every pet parent will find these totally relatable!
- “What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job!” —George Carlin
- “If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.” —Phil Pastoret
- “You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’” —Dave Barry
- “If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?” —Unknown
- “The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.” —Unknown
Funny Sister Quotes
Nothing compares to the lasting bond of sisterly love. Sisters are more than just family—they’re the ones you share life’s biggest and smallest moments with, learning from each other along the way. What better way to show your affection for your sister than with a funny quote? These amusing quotes perfectly capture the essence of always sticking together and the unbreakable bond you share. You’ll want to share them all with your sister!
- “If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.” —Pearl Cleage
- “I smile because you’re my sister. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it.” —Unknown
- “Sisters are like fat thighs… they stick together.” —Unknown
- “You can kid the world, but not your sister.” —Charlotte Gray
- “When I say I won’t tell anyone, my sister doesn’t count.” —Unknown
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes
Thanksgiving is the time of year to appreciate everything and everyone around you. It’s the perfect chance to show gratitude for the good things in your life. Instead of using the same old captions like “Thankful” on social media, spice things up with these funny quotes. They’ll not only connect with your friends and family but also bring a smile or even a laugh.
- “I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” —Erma Bombeck
- “Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.” —P.J. O’Rourke
- “A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear them consider saying ‘that smells good’ to be helping.” —Jimmy Fallon
- “For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.” —Andy Borowitz
- “Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.” —Melanie White
Funny Easter Quotes
Easter is the ultimate chocolate-filled holiday and the perfect time to show off your egg collection. These funny Easter quotes cover everything from munching on chocolate bunnies to enjoying a fun Easter Egg Hunt. With so many great lines, you’ll have plenty of options for your next social media post – good luck choosing just one!
- “A balanced Easter diet is a chocolate egg in each hand.” —Unknown
- “Golf is just the adult version of an Easter Egg Hunt.” —Unknown
- “Tell the chocolate bunny I’ll pass. I have enough men in my life who are hollow and disappointing.” —Unknown
- “If you see a rabbit laying little brown eggs, don’t eat them. It’s not chocolate!” —Unknown
- “The Easter bunny ate all of the carrots we left for him. What a pig.” —Steve Carell
Funny Quotes of the Day
Start your day with a big smile thanks to this collection of hilarious daily quotes. Covering everything from self-discovery to wisdom, these quotes capture the funniest aspects of life without sticking to any particular theme. Featuring side-splitting remarks from renowned comedians and actors like Bill Murray and Lily Tomlin, this compilation is sure to brighten your day. Take a look and see if you can keep a straight face—we dare you!
- “I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.” —Lily Tomlin
- “Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.” —Bill Murray
- “If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?” —Jerry Seinfeld
- “When nothing is going right, go left.” —Unknown
- “All generalizations are false, including this one.” —Mark Twain
Funny Pet Quotes
Pets fill our lives with joy and laughter through their quirky behaviors and unconditional love. These funny pet quotes perfectly capture the humor and delight of having furry companions. Share them with fellow pet lovers or use them to add some fun to your social media posts about your pets.
- “Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.” —Unknown
- “No home decor is complete without dog hair.” —Unknown
- “My dog thinks I’m a catch.” —Unknown
- “If cats could talk, they wouldn’t.” —Nan Porter
- “I work hard so my cat can have a better life.” —Unknown
Funny School Quotes
School days are packed with unique experiences and unforgettable moments. These funny school quotes capture the lighter side of education. They’re perfect for reminiscing about your school years or sharing a laugh with friends.
- “School is a building which has four walls with tomorrow inside.” —Lon Watters
- “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.” —Daniel J. Boorstin
- “The only time my education was interrupted was when I was in school.” —George Bernard Shaw
Funny Exercise Quotes
Exercise might not always be fun, but these quotes add a humorous twist to fitness. Whether you love or hate working out, these funny exercise quotes will make you smile and maybe even motivate you to hit the gym.
- “My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.” —Unknown
- “I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.” —Unknown
- “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” —Tommy Cooper
With these additional 11 quotes, you now have a comprehensive list of 136 funny quotes and sayings to bring a smile to your face and lighten up any situation. Whether you’re looking for humor in life, work, relationships, or just need a good laugh, these quotes have got you covered. Enjoy sharing them with friends, family, and on social media!
